Overcoming Even More? An Adult Man in Adult Ballet. [GUEST POST]
And it’s another guest! This time I am so excited to introduce you to Andy, a 40+ male ballet dancer from the US. He reached out to me a few months back after he discovered my blog. His email really stood out to me because of how conscious and aspirational Andy was about his learning and getting better at ballet. Plus, I loved his story, how he came to ballet from an extensive military background and continues to push for more despite the challenges and resistance he is facing as a male dancer. I encouraged him to 1) get on Instagram (where he is and you can find him at @tourjete32) and 2) write up his story and experiences for a guest post on this blog! He did, and I hope it encourages all of you men to get into ballet as much as you want and all women to support their men and any men doing ballet.
Enter Andy!
I want to thank Patricia for letting me contribute a blog post - I was excited to find a blog discussing adults in ballet, and how they can improve at the challenging and rewarding art of ballet, even as they get older, battle injuries or may not get as much time in the studio as they would like.
My Story: From Military to Ballet
I started taking ballet in my late 20's after moving to St. Louis on an Army assignment. I had just been in Kuwait for 18 months with no break, and I finally had enough courage to try a class. I had seen the Nutcracker a couple of times and thought ballet could help with flexibility and be a different kind of challenge. After all, football and basketball players have long taken ballet to help with athleticism, plus it would let me meet some new people after moving to a new city.
I always felt I had really good coordination above the waist, but legs were a different story! I always played goalie in soccer games as a kid, since I could use my hands. I thought ballet would help with improving my arm-leg coordination, and it seemed to be a regimented, structured style of dance that I could see myself doing. Modern, jazz, ballroom - not so much.
My sister was into figure skating and gymnastics growing up - it would be on the TV and my father and I would make fun of guys who did those things, but I'm sure they were stronger and more athletic than I was, given that I was involved in mostly baseball, basketball and running during those years. As I get older I'm more amazed at what people are able to train their bodies to do, whether its dance, powerlifting, circus acts, or hitting 100 mph baseballs.
I never dated anyone in high school, at West Point or my Army years, so I admit that a small part of the reason I started class was that maybe it would be a way to meet women. That never happened, not even close, but it turned out that it didn't matter at all. Once I took my first classes, I just enjoyed the benefits of it, the chance to do something that wasn't entirely "guy stuff", and had fun trying to get better. And when you see great dancers, you see such a great combination of strength, balance, flexibility, coordination and expression - who wouldn't want to be able to do at least some of that?
Though a guy shouldn't have to do it, I did rationalize that I had enough "guy stuff" in my background, like commanding an Army company in wartime, to justify trying ballet. I think that tour gave me the confidence to give it a shot. Plus I was in a new city where I didn't know anyone anyway, so there was nobody to give me a hard time about it. That being said, to this day, I don't mention it to friends or family, unless it's someone I know will understand and respect the whole endeavor.
At the time in my late 20s, I enjoyed it, but didn't work at it very seriously outside of class. Ballet on Youtube hadn't really taken off yet, so there wasn't the plethora of tutorials and flexibility workouts that there are today. That's a missed opportunity that I regret - I had plenty of time and money available to improve, but I didn't make the most of it. I spent most of my effort on "Army fitness" - distance running, pushups, situps and such, which doesn't translate very well to ballet.
One year, just as I had jumped on ballet, I fell out of it again. I had a bad ankle sprain, then got married, and wasn't vocal in wanting to continue, so I stopped doing classes. Once in a while on business travel I would take drop-in classes, but nothing regular.
Four years ago, after taking my daughter to a Nutcracker performance by Alexandra Ballet, I realized I missed doing it. I decided to take class again - I had turned 40, and thought this was the time to dive into it, and see how much I could improve at it, before I got too old to try some of the more demanding jumps and so forth. It's possible there is a bit of mid-life crisis factor mixed in as well! With a tight schedule, I had to take classes at different places depending on when I could attend, so I've had a variety of teachers and schools. Combined with studios on business trips (mostly in DC area,) I've probably attended 25 or more studios.
Not so Different: The Love for Ballet, From a Male Perspective
There is so much I appreciate about ballet.
The challenge - it requires all you have - concentration, muscles, flexibility, timing, musicality. It's just you, the floor and the studio space - no equipment or opponent getting in your way.
I tend to try the "hard" things in life - like the decision to attend West Point, complete a full marathon, or to not be content with playing guitar and bass, but adding synthesizer pedals to play at the same time (like Geddy Lee or Sting). Even at West Point I took the Aerobic Fitness elective instead of the more laid back golf or skiing - and it involved a two-mile uphill run for time. I guess ballet is an extension of that.
It's amazing how good I feel after doing ballet - I've never had better stretch sessions than after class, ever. And the next day, even when there is some soreness, my back and legs feel like a million bucks.
It's a great feeling to improve at something this difficult, that most people never try. When you flail about on a combination, and then weeks or months later, you do it a lot better. Those "highs" keep me motivated and coming back for classes.
It may be the hardest thing I've ever attempted, and it's required consistent work, study and patience to get better. It's a great life lesson I'm just learning now... Teaching myself music came very easily compared to ballet. Progress tends to be slow, and not always linear, so it teaches you to try to get "1% better" in as many areas as you can. Here is a great analogy from another sport: The British cycling team broke down every aspect of cycling and tried to get 1% better in all those areas, and the aggregate result was enormous - several gold medals at the 2008 Olympics. I think that mindset lends itself so well to ballet, and makes the challenge more palatable, if you will. Think about your results if you could get your ankles and legs 1% stronger, balance 1% longer, use epaulement and the music 1% better, spot 1% better, get developpes 1% higher, and so on? And keep improving over time?
When the Wife Does Not Approve: Sticking With it, Against all Odds
Yes, there is also a lot I struggle with as an adult man doing ballet. My head often runs thoughts like:
"You're a guy in your 40s - what are you wasting time and money on ballet for? Just do golf and barbecue like normal guys."
"You'll never get very good - people who get very good at ballet take class every day for years, and have the experience of rehearsals, performances, summer intensives, and so forth. You are WAY past your prime, at least for ballet."
"You should be embarrassed, wearing tights, jumping around and looking foolish in class like that..."
"You'll never be able to do standard men's stuff, like double tours, triple pirouettes or turns a la seconde..."
"You have poor natural turnout and almost no backbend flexibility - even if you learn the steps you still won't look good doing ballet."
Also, I have to admit that lack of support from my wife is challenging to get around. She has said that she hates ballet in general, hates that I do it, says that it is gay and effeminate, and that having me do it embarrasses her. At one point she OK'd me going to class, but would not let me participate in Nutcracker a couple years ago, even though the studio asked me to participate. When we dated she came to watch part of my class, and seemed fine with it, but then thought it was just something silly that I attempted and got out of my system.
But any time I get caught in these negative cycles, I remind myself of the incredible treasure that ballet has become for me:
The many supportive teachers who answer my questions, give me corrections after class, and suggest how I can improve.
Also, seeing other people doing class, who are facing way more difficult circumstances than me - like a young woman battling early Parkinsons, a victim of a point-blank shooting a couple years ago that could have killed her, an adult student who is 85 and still doing intermediate adult classes, or the overweight, out-of-shape person who knows nothing about ballet but is still coming in and giving it a try. I've had all of these people in class with me recently.
As for my wife, we plan to try some ballroom classes next year, so maybe that will make her more accepting of a husband that takes dance classes.
And really, just because you might be bad at something or not have the support from everyone around you doesn't mean you should stop doing it - if you join a running group and are slow, or someone does not approve of your running hobby, do you quit? No - that would be ridiculous. Do you stop going to the gym if you aren't very strong, and can't lift much? Of course not. Why should dance be different? Keep doing it, work at it, and try to get better.
My Message to Other Men Considering Ballet
So to other men thinking about starting ballet, or already at it and feeling discouraged occasionally, I would like to say this:
It's not that big a deal - lots of guys take it for a whole host of reasons - injury rehab, sports, basic fitness, or an additional challenge to keep themselves physically and mentally sharp. Some classes I've taken have been 50/50 men and women, so a guy in class isn't a big deal. Granted, some studios are pink and frilly, but not all of them. And some men really like just doing class and improving at the art form. Whether you are into running, weights, or team sports, it will absolutely help. It's so good at helping you "find new muscles" and get strong in different areas. It will also humble you at first!
Do you have to wear tights? No - In the 25+ studios I've taken class in, none of them required adult men to wear tights. I usually do, because it really keeps you honest and not cheat. I have a tendency to not straighten my legs enough, and in baggy pants you can't tell. And it's easier for teachers to make corrections, and it shows some respect for the teacher and art form. But sweat pants or shorts are fine, too, if you feel more comfortable.
Ask around at different studios, if you have several to pick from. They can point you to the right class based on experience and goals. Try different teachers. Also, don't expect a whole lot of social interaction - people are generally focused on getting ready for class, and not a lot of small talk. I've made a few casual friends and acquaintances along the way, but I would not take class for social reasons. You take class to work and learn! And I've cringed watching another guy try to get a woman's contact info before class, and get summarily rebuffed.
My Ballet Dreams and Aspirations
As for me, despite all the challenges and social repercussions of learning ballet as a male dancer, I can't help but keep going and aspire for more. There are so many things that I want to improve and experience:
For instance, learn longer combinations, or be in a performance/recital in some way. I'd love to work on a longer combination over several weeks, rather than just doing different short combinations each week, where you may only do them once or twice in class.
I want to see how much better I get doing a combination 40-50 times instead of only a few times.
I want to become a turning machine - be able pirouettes into a la seconde turns, and then finish with pirouette. That would be cool! First things first though, learn consistent doubles....
I am curious to try pas de deux some time, at least the basics.
And last, I would like to do some kind of RAD/Cecchetti exam - it would be nice to achieve something official in ballet, even if I never set foot on stage. There aren't any of these schools in my area, though, so I will have to get creative about this.
Let’s connect!
I'm happy now to be on Instagram (@tourjete32), so drop by and say hi! It's encouraging to see so many adults pursuing ballet and sharing their tips, photos and accomplishments. Let’s all keep going and encourage the men as well as women around us!
