Daring to fly: Olivia after a few months in an adult ballet company. Photo by @osoikame

And she’s back! You might remember Olivia and her previous guest article on this blog - about how to train hardcore and still manage to live an adult work life. Well, she took it even further! She managed to successfully join a local adult ballet company. You didn’t know such companies even existed? Well they do, and Olivia will tell us more about them. Anyway, after several hard months of rehearsal, she was ready to perform with the company for the first time. But then, cough-cough, enter COVID-19. The week before they were to head to the theater for tech week, everything shut down.

Nevertheless, she got a lot of company life and rehearsal experience under her belt, and grew a lot during that time. So I asked her if she would be up for sharing her experiences, and I am so happy she said yes. I think hearing these kind of stories is so valuable for us adult starters. Because after all, one of the main questions for people who start late but with high aspirations is: What can I do with my ballet? How can I develop into a dancer and perform? What opportunities are out there for someone in my situation?

This blog post will discuss Olivia’s experiences in an adult ballet company, the unexpected joys and challenges of “company life,” and what other adult ballet dancers should know if they are interested in performing.

Please welcome…Olivia!

Is joining a company right for me? Why I decided to audition

If you read my earlier blog post, you may remember that I danced through the age of 15 and then quit ballet for a full decade. When I restarted ballet as an adult, it was initially because I felt like I had unfinished business with the art form and needed to see how I would fare with a more mature and grounded mindset. While I did not have any expectations of performing as an adult, it was the part of ballet I had missed the most.

Performing and rehearsing offer unique challenges as an artist, and ballet, at its core, is a performance art. I craved a stronger connection with the dance community and wanted the chance to push myself in new ways, mentally and physically. In short, I wanted my dancing to have a purpose beyond my own enrichment (and by the way: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to perform). I wanted the chance to be part of someone’s creative vision. Fortunately, as fate would have it, there was an adult ballet company in my area, and I felt I owed it to myself to give it a shot after training for a few years .

Adult ballet companies are not yet mainstream—I am lucky enough to live in an area with multiple ballet studios and a thriving community of dedicated adult ballet dancers. I stumbled upon my company by happenstance during a Google wormhole search for performing opportunities for adults. Further research tells me that adult ballet companies are becoming more common though across the globe (for some inspiration, just check out the Swans Ballet Company in South Korea). Some companies are open to dancers of all or most skill levels, while others consist exclusively of high-level dancers such as former or would-be pros. If performing in an adult ballet company is something that interests you, you may need to do some digging into what the landscape looks like in your area. Depending on what’s available and the kind of dancers who perform will dictate the kind of preparation you need to do before joining.

Auditions: what to expect and how to prepare

I knew that after taking 10 years off, my technique would be nowhere near up to par with dancers in any sort of company, even one for “amateurs.” I trained consistently taking roughly five ballet classes per week (and pointe at least once per week), and after two years, two friends and I made a pact and auditioned together.

While I did end up passing my audition and joining the company, I will say that a two-year timeline was overly ambitious of me. My technique was honestly not where it needed to be, and I spent most of my first year of the company playing catch up (more on this later). If there is an adult ballet company in your area (or some other sort of performance opportunity), I would strongly recommend at least a few years of consistent ballet classes. If your audition requires pointe work, you need to be comfortable doing pointe in the center. If you stop and start a lot or aren’t consistently pushing yourself in your training, it may be difficult for you to meet the demands of performance.

Before auditioning for my company) , I was required to submit my dance and performance history, list my injuries etc. If you have to audition, you will likely be asked to provide similar information. The audition for the company lasted about three hours and consisted of a Pilates class, a technique class on flat, and a pointe class. At another audition I did for a full-length ballet at an out-of-town studio was a bit more formal (the wearing a number on your leo kind). In that audition, we did a technique class with barre in flat shoes and center in pointe shoes (it took about two hours).

For both auditions, I wore solid color Yumiko leotards: nothing too flashy, but more exciting than the standard black-leo-pink-tights deal. I recommend wearing a leotard that makes you feel confident. If warmups are allowed, try not to stay in them for too long, since you’ll want to show off your technique. If you are expected to dance en pointe, I would strongly suggest bringing a couple pairs of shoes, just in case. My go-to shoes are broken-in and comfortable, but not yet dead or dying. In an audition, remember to do the combinations or choreography exactly as they are given to you. If you make a mistake (you will), do your best to grin and bear it, without letting yourself feel discouraged. I’m convinced that the dancers who succeed in auditions, aside from their artistry and technique, are the ones who exude the most joy and confidence in their dancing. (Easier said than done.)

Company life: the basics

You’ve passed your audition--now what? Each company (or studio) has its own culture, even adult ones. Some companies are very serious and mimic professional environments, while others are much more casual and laid-back. My company consists of dancers who work full-time, non-dance jobs, but we train in a professional environment . In my company, most dancers are in their 20s and 30s—some are fresh out of college, while others have families. To my knowledge, no one in the company began ballet as an adult, but several dancers, like me, did have long hiatuses between their youth training and returning to ballet as an adult. There are many skill levels present, though most dancers have been dancing consistently for several years at this point. And some dancers feel most comfortable performing classical repertoire, others prefer contemporary or theater. If you are an adult starter, fear not. While my company does consist of dancers who have trained for many years, there are plenty of companies out there that welcome beginners. In my company, we’ve got the best of both worlds in that we dance because we love it, but we are also held to a high standard and are pushed to our artistic and technical limits.

Because we work day jobs, our rehearsing is done in the evening, twice a week for a total of just under six hours. We begin with a technique class, usually taught by the choreographer, and then move on to rehearsing that choreographer’s piece. We perform a mix of classical ballet, contemporary ballet, and theater dance. We do pay dues to help cover the cost of renting studio space, commissioning works, etc., but we are able to subsidize these costs with ticket sales from our annual performance.

Company life: unexpected challenges

Challenge #1: My own lack of experience. I mentioned earlier that two years was probably not enough time to make up for ten years of not dancing (in retrospect: duh) . While I’m not quite sure what got me through the audition, I think it helped that I was a consistent and familiar face in ballet classes at our local studio. While I lack raw talent, facility, and experience, there is no denying that I am a hard worker. After joining the company, I realized that my technique and overall dance experience were lacking compared to my peers. I underestimated how difficult it would be to pick up new choreography, which you need to do quickly in order to be cast in pieces. I also really struggled with contemporary choreography because it was a totally foreign feeling in my body. Before you join a company, get a good sense of the kind of repertoire they perform and try to expose yourself to these styles before you attempt them for the first time in front of your choreographer.

Challenge #2: Dealing with commitment and fatigue. Even though I was used to going to ballet 5-7 days per week, there was something more mentally and physically draining about rehearsals. I think this is because rehearsal requires a lot more focus than open class. Learning new choreo and possibly unfamiliar steps is a lot more exacting than repeating the familiar sequence of ballet class. And because rehearsals went until almost 10 PM, I wouldn’t get home until 10:30 or 11 PM. If you end up joining a company with regular rehearsals, keep in mind that it’s a real commitment. You can skip open class if you’re tired, but not rehearsal. And because I struggled with picking up choreo, I had to spend a lot of time outside rehearsal reviewing and taking notes, which was another commitment.

Challenge #3: The emotional aspect. What surprised me the most at times was how difficult it was for me emotionally, especially at the beginning. I would become frustrated with myself when I struggled to pick up choreo or didn’t feel comfortable with a certain style. I put a lot of pressure on myself to improve quickly, but this morphed into some very unconstructive self-criticism. If anything, COVID-19 helped recenter myself and remove some of the self-imposed pressure. With ballet, I think it’s very easy to get caught up in feeling like we need external validation to prove our worth as dancers. Learning how to divorce myself of this way of thinking has been an ongoing process for me. It took a lot of reminding myself that technique-wise, I was more than fine given how long I had been dancing at that point. I also had to realize that my competition was not with others, but with myself. My friends (and fellow company members) gave me a lot of support and encouragement, reminding me of how much I had improved over the past year. (Also, if you constantly complain to your friends about how “bad” you are, eventually they will get sick of it and tell you to shut up about it. That also helps move the process along 😉.)

Company life: unexpected joys

Joy #1: Amazing mentorship. I can’t emphasize enough how much my technique improved after joining a company. Am I on the same level as dancers who have been dancing for their entire lives uninterrupted? No, of course not. But I think I am a lot better than where I was a year ago. Thanks to my directors and artistic advisor, I was able to get a lot of specific corrections that forced me to think critically about my technique and how to improve it. I’ve since received several comments from my open class teachers and peers about how they have noticed a marked difference in my dancing. These improvements in my technique have allowed me to build a lot more self-confidence in my dancing, and I’m able to enjoy ballet more than I have in the past.

Joy #2: Focusing on details. One of the great things about working toward a performance is that you have the chance to focus on the details, such as how you present the foot before doing a saute arabesque or the way your arms transition from first to fifth position. I have found that open classes for adults don’t always dedicate time to the small stuff. Professional dancers spend countless hours perfecting infinitesimally small details to take good from great, and I loved being able to experience a part of that process.

Joy #3: Trying new things. As much as my classical ballet technique was lacking, I can’t even begin to describe how bad I was at other styles. Comically bad. Biscuit ballerina bad. But in many ways, this is what I needed. Even today, I’ve begun taking regular contemporary classes, and I don’t think that I would have had the gumption to do so without some exposure first. For our theater piece, which I understudied, I was so, so bad at it, but I ended up loving the theater choreographer’s classes. Because I didn’t have any expectations for my theater dance skills, I could actually focus on enjoying myself (a radical concept, I know). Being in my company opened up so many possibilities for me to challenge myself with dance, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

Joy #4: Company friends and the corps de ballet. Dancing in the corps gave me a huge appreciation for the hard work corps ladies do in professional companies. Standing on the side of the stage in pointe shoes is so much harder than it looks. Dancing in unison is also a challenge because even if the audience doesn’t look at you specifically, if you’re out of sync, they’ll definitely look at you, and it won’t be for the right reasons! After joining the company, I started paying more attention to the corps de ballet when watching performances, which has made ballet viewing a much more nuanced experience. And doing the same thing as everyone else is a very unifying thing--I now better understand why some dancers cite their corps years as some of their most fun (if challenging).

They never got to perform because….yeah, Covid. But one day…..

Top 5 pieces of advice for adult ballet dancers:

How to find and get to know potential companies: If there’s a company you want to join, learn about them before auditioning. While not all adult ballet companies hold auditions, it’s still important to know the kinds of dancers in the company and the rep they perform. Before auditioning, I talked to current company members to get a sense of what it was like to dance with them. Adult ballet companies tend to be small, so I think it’s important to make sure it’s a good personality fit before you join.

*Side bar: What do you do if you can’t find a company? The reality is that performance opportunities for adults are sadly not the norm yet. I’m hoping this will change, given that teachers and studios are coming around to the idea that adults can (and want to) have training experiences that mirror those of the under-18s. Anyway, if you don’t have anything in your immediate vicinity, you’ve got a couple of options. The first would be to check nearby cities for opportunities to perform—even I drove an hour each way to make rehearsals for the full-length ballet at that aforementioned out-of-town studio. Second, as much as we all loathe ballet-at-home at this point, one of the good things to come out of the pandemic has been the digitization of dance and the availability of previously unavailable opportunities. (Want to take a class half-way across the country? No problem.) Check to see if there are virtual performing opportunities. Third, if all else fails, start your own. While I’m not even remotely qualified to brush on that topic, I’d recommend checking out Jana Carson from @ballerinasbynight on Instagram, who helped form a company of her own at her local studio.*
Don’t underestimate the commitment it takes to put on a performance. Rehearsals aren’t optional; they are vital. Since all our dancers work day jobs, we have limited time to make our pieces performance ready. This means you have to attend rehearsal, no matter how tired you are after work. We didn’t have a set number of “excused” absences since we are working adults and know that sometimes stuff comes up, but it was important to attend all the rehearsals you physically could. There were definitely days I was exhausted and would have rather stayed home to rest, but I bucked up and drove to rehearsal instead (sometimes facing up to an hour of heavy traffic to do so).
Be open to the artistic process, even if that means feeling vulnerable. Nothing great happens easily. As the least experienced member in my company, I was acutely aware of how far behind my technique and performance abilities were compared to my peers. Once I was able to say to myself, “Ok, this is where I am, and there’s where I’d like to be,” I started to improve. But it can be difficult to admit to yourself that your skills aren’t what you wish they were, and improvement comes slowly. On this note, it’s important to be open to trying new things and challenging your body in new ways. If you can accept that it’s ok to be bad at something for the sake of trying something new, you’ll have a lot more success improving in the long run.
Take it seriously--but not too seriously. While it’s important to fulfill whatever commitments you’ve laid out for yourself as far as your dance goals are concerned, it’s important to have fun. If you don’t enjoy the rehearsal process, it’s not worth it to be in the company. Ballet should be fun. And in my case, ballet is not my job. It’s something I am lucky enough to do for fun outside of work. I take it seriously (because I love it), but sometimes I have to remember that ballet is more than perfect technique. Sometimes you make the most progress when you let yourself relax a little. Even my own director, who is a stickler for proper technique, would say “it’s just ballet” if she saw us getting overly frustrated or upset with ourselves.
Performance is a beautiful love letter to your art, but ballet is about more than performing. If I’ve learned anything from spending months rehearsing and then not performing, it’s that the process is the most important part. Yes, I look forward to the day I can return to the stage and showcase the hard work my company and I put into our pieces, but ultimately, I am more grateful for the experiences and personal growth I’ve had through my company.

I hope you felt as inspired by Olivia’s post as I did! Are you aspiring to perform? Does the idea of joining an adult ballet company excite you? Or still too far away for you? Feel free to share your thoughts!

How to Join, Survive, and Thrive in an Adult Ballet Company [GUEST POST]